You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize