11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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