he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
