I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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