We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I got her a Nickelback box set.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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