wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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