He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
