i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
