I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
