Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my vag is so smooth its legendary
only if we run a train.
done.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
