I wish I only lived at night.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
