Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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