Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
