It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
