careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
