I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
