u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
