i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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