We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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