You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
