yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
