just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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