Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
