someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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