those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
