Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
