i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
