i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
