Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
