nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize