I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
