I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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