if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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