i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We left an ass print on the piano.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
