too bad you live with your parents still
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Floor bacon is actually really good
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