Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
