dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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