I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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