Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
