I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
