yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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