So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
