One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
