Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize