I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
