the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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