we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
