I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
