Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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