fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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