Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
