do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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