If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize