Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My dick has a subreddit
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
