I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
