I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Sorry about my life...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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