I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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