It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Operation Purity has been aborted
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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