Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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