I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
