Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Randomize
