Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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