Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
