I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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