Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
