All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
one might say we're banned from that church
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
