Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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