she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
