woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
