I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
