what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
