apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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